So I think I am pretty “real” on my blog. For me, that is part of the attraction. To be who I am and not to hide behind any pretenses. I put it out there for anyone and everyone to read….great projects, sucky problems with clients and vendors, what I consider to be good design….and bad design. And, I try to also talk to readers as I would a client and help educate them on the processes I deal with every day.
Today’s post is different. I have a child graduating from high school and moving on to the college experience. The last few months have been kinda hellish I have to say. On her part, my part, more on my part then a bit more on her part. I think it is about letting go and both of us finding our way. I wanted to share the following passage with you. Maybe you care and maybe you do not but if you have a child, it will resonate I think.
When you were little I helped you learn to walk. I would hold your hands above your head and help you balance yourself.
After a bit of time, I would start to let go of one hand….then eventually the other one and you would take a few steps and then, at first, fall on the floor. I never saw you cry. You would laugh and hold out your hands for me to help you up. Then we started all over again. And again.
Eventually you needed my help less and less and I would just hover in the background ready to catch you. Then one day you just got up and started walking by yourself. With a nonchalant attitude like it was a piece of cake and that we had not just spent a month practicing falling and getting up again. You hardly ever faltered after that day. I laughed and I cried all at the same time. I was so proud of you!
This was the first milestone where you started needing me just a bit less. You could get yourself where you needed to go ( and you had lots of places you wanted to go!) and did not want to be picked up as often ( ME can do it!!) which meant a bit less cuddling and holding you tight. My “baby” had found the joy of independence but there were days I was wistful for my sweet cuddly baby who wanted nothing more than to be held by momma.
I think I feel that way now. Like I have helped you as much as I can ( or that you will let me) learn to balance and need to let go of your hands so you can take some steps without mom holding on. Still here though, in the background, ready to celebrate the first steps towards a new milestone of independence but always there if you take a tumble.
It still feels as bittersweet as it did years ago and I suppose I will worry no less than I did then. Loving you as you gain your independence as a young adult but knowing that it means maybe a bit less cuddling and holding you tight. (or, knowing where you are all the time and seeing you every day)
I was proud of you then and am more proud of you now. Simple words cannot convey the emotion and depth of love I have for you, my child.
I love you around the world and back again. And again. And again.